ugliest cars in britainGuest Car Page
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This is the Guest Slot for those cars that don't fit into the "in Britain" bit - This includes a few select cars from other nations, concept cars and in one case, a car that doesn't really exist at all. Naturally to qualify for this page, the vehicle in question has to be at least a "Five Bagger" on our scale.

Conveyance:

 Paper Bag Rating*
Pontiac :  Aztek paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
Folks from over the pond have nominated the Pontiac Aztek more times than any other model - and that's not really surprising is it? According to the Pontiac web site the Aztek won the "Most Appealing Entry SUV" - in a recent JD Power Survey! This stunned me for a while and I though perhaps it was a typo and "Appealing" should have been "Appalling", until I read a bit further and it was revealed that people only voted for its powertrain, interior and sound system - phew, for a moment I thought there might be some sort of contagious myopia epidemic over in the US. The fact that you can actually buy this car almost qualifies it for a record-breaking 6th paper bag.
 
Honda :  Fuya-Jo paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
Aparrently Honda designed this concept car, which resembles the fusion of a Dalek and a photo-booth, as sort of a mobile disco where the occupants could groove in their seats as they were almost standing upright, whilst the driver steered using a wheel designed to look like a DJ's turntable. According to Honda it was also supposed to ride like a skateboard, but why anybody would want that we have no idea. Bizarrely for this site, all the above is actually true! This concept appeared at the 1999 Tokyo Motor Show.
 
Powell Motors :  "The Homer" paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
In the classic episode of The Simpsons where Homer meets his long lost brother, he gets to design his dream car. Well it turned out to be so good we had to include it here. Unfortunately for homer it cost $82,000 to build and ruined his brother's business - but at least it played "La Cucaracha" when he sounded the horn. There is no truth in the rumour that Citroen tried to license the design.
 
Buick :  Riviera paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
The Buick Riviera was first designed in the 1960's - this model is the 1970's Boattail model - a combination of a columbian oil tanker and a refuse truck. It was intended to appeal to people who aspired to own both a boat and a car but didn't happen to live near any water. Living near water would almost certainly be a hazard anyway, as the handling on this old bag of nails was so bad that a casual drive near a lakeside could easily result in undesirable aquatic activity.
 
Ford :  Thunderbird (1958-59) paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
The designers at ford surpassed themselves in 1958 when they released this model Thunderbird which is made up from the left-over parts that nobody else wanted. The looks later inspired Gerry Anderson to create the Thunderbirds craft in the puppet series of the same name.
 
Nissan :  Figaro paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
Nissan executives gathered together in a steam bath in 1989 and came up with the idea of building a new car in the style of a 1950's domestic appliance. The result was the Figaro and it was available in such delightful colours as "Solitary Confinement Grey" and "Festering Wound Green". Not available directly in the UK, but was extremely popular in Japan, and was imported to the UK in small numbers for the likes of Vanessa Feltz.
 
Mitsuoka :  Le Seyde paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
Mitsuoka - who you've probably never heard of - are a Japanese coachbuilding company who appear to specialise in recreating the most repulsive designs from history. Having said that though, the Le Seyde appears to resemble something out of the Whacky Races combined with Cruella De Vil's transport in 101 Dalmations. The first version appeared in 1990 and, as with most of the nuttiest designs in Japan, sold out its initial run of 500 cars within the time it takes to say "oh my god, what have you been smoking?".
 
Commuter Cars :  Tango paper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bagpaper bag
The zany guys of Commuter Cars in Spokane USA have managed to take an extruded cat-litter tray and convert it into a mentally fast psycho-rocket no wider than a peanut butter sandwich. Indeed this baby can reach 60mph in 4 seconds and will keep you secured in your seat via a 4-point harness until you are finally mashed into an articulated lorry at over 150mph. At a mere 108 thousand dollars (in kit form) you will be overcome by smugness as you survey your exclusive choice of new parking places such as stairwells, shop doorways, old ladies handbags or between the buttocks of corpulent bystanders.
 

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