Cadillac Seville (1981)

via William Irving

Martin's anti-American ravings remind me of something my dad, who in the course of his career spent much time abroad, once half-jokingly told me...

Hell is a place with American schools,
Italian politics,
German police,
Russian civil service,
Turkish prisons,
French cars,

and British dentistry.

As for Americans' legendary fatness, I've been to the U.K., and I can say from first-hand observation that we Yanks have by no means cornered the market on corpulance, which I consider bloody well miraculous considering what passes for British cuisine - everything boiled and greasy, leaning heavily toward vital organs from hapless creatures that in life were used to generate, filter, digest or otherwise process any of various multicolored, reeking and thoroughly loathesome secretions and excreta.

And judging all us Yanks by the Jerry Springer Show is truly hurtful and unfair. Simply because the latter day House of Windsor consists of vacuous, effete, vain, feckless and irrelevant sacks of inbred, dissolute and cross-threaded DNA, does this mean I should judge ALL Brits to be so?

Getting back to topic, I agree that most "Yank tanks" are ugly - especially this 1980's Cadillac atrocity - but they generally do start in the morning and are consistently able to move under their own power, both of which are more than my poor neighbor can say about his Jaguar, which spends much of its time as a very expensive gleaming metal lawn sculpture, albeit a very pretty one.