cars

Lets face it, the Scorpio has what it takes to be at the top of the list. Rumour has it that this car was originally penned by Ford's marine department as a new type of mini-submarine designed for use in deep places where no-one would see. However, due to a file naming error on the companywide computer network, it was mistaken as a new car concept sketch and thus became the company's automotive flagship.

When you see one of these things you get the distinct impression that if there was a gust of wind it would simply fall over. It's rather narrow you see. In fact Hyundai would have made it even narrower were it not for a British legal requirement which states that a car must be wider than a standard rear number plate. Even Postman Pat wouldn't drive one of these.

Yep, that's me (Mark). You see we take our Uglycar spotting very seriously indeed and there's nothing to beat a close up inspection. Actually Suzuki have tried really hard to improve the 'Wagon' and have now fitted a radio; pity the few quid it cost couldn't have been spent on the styling; it would have gone a long way.

Ha, ha! Not only did these early Japanese people carriers look terrible, but they also drove terribly as well. The owner of this one for example is in the process of converting it into a large storage container for tennis balls, because that is the best thing you can do with them. Actually the Previa isn't much better...I'd better include it next time. (Sorry about the rubbish picture, it's all I could find; They aren't photographed very often).

Peugeot have a reputation for designing some inspiring vehicles, but as can be seen clearly, even they have their off days. The 806 may carry many people, but lets face it, even a 1976 Ford Transit looks more stylish.

A good example of how a beautiful soft top can be wrecked completely. Why did BMW do it? Well, apparently, one of the German designers at BMW actually liked the old British Scimitar GTE so he decided to try and do something similar with the Z3. As you can see the project went remarkably well and now BMW too have a ridiculous sports coupe that few people will buy.

You may never see one of these things. It's a sort of bizarre cross between a Lotus Elan (thats the back bit you can't really see here) and a duck billed platypus (thats the front bit). The rear section is built in Tipton and the front in Malta. Destined to sell in single numbers..... (according to several e-mails from Finland, 'Kamala' happens to mean 'hideous' in Finnish!)

Since this photo was taken, Toyota have replaced the headlights on the Corolla with a more sensible and less offensive design. However to offset their losses they sold all the remaining stock of silly headlights to a garden centre in Lyme Regis where they are now sold as illumination for ornamental fish ponds.

A midnight brainstorming session at a transgenic monkey laboratory came up with a bunch of irrational ideas that sparked the Verso concept. Very few (in fact none) of the original ideas made it through to production but in honour of the forgotten workers that initiated the project Toyota will actually discount cars sold for the purposes of animal conservation. NB: this may not be entirely true.

That front grille really wasn't a good idea now was it? Shame because the rest of it is actually quite nice...although it's anyone's guess where you're supposed to fit your front number plate.